December 19, 2008

"What do you want reviewed?" Contest winner: Jonas Brothers!

First and foremost, I would like to thank everyone who voted on our poll. As promised, a Jonas Brothers review has been put up. It is as below. I had the joy of reviewing it. Thank you!
~David

____________________________________________________________________

Jonas Brothers are, right now, the most popular boyband in America. But there is more to the boyband than it seems. Although several fans refuse to believe this, the Jonas Brothers are just one of Disney's tools, as was Hilary Duff, Miley/Hannah and Aaron Carter, to drive up more viewings. And so it seems that way. In a conducted survey, 3/4 adolescents have heard and enjoyed a Jonas Brothers song and have watched a Disney Show in the past 24 hours. I will now give a down-to-earth review on them.

The music:
The Jonas Brothers try and fail to succeed in making music. In a sample of their guitar tabs:
e--7-7--7-7--7-7--10-10--10-10-10-10
B--7-7--7-7--7-7--10-10--10-10-10-10
G--7-7--7-7--7-7--11-11--11-11--11-11
D--------------------------------------
A--------------------------------------
E--------------------------------------
~Burnin' Up Tabs provided in part by Ultimate-Guitar.com
This repeats 36x throughout the whole song. I bet that even some one who has only been playing for one week could play this. Compare the Jo Bros with some Judas Priest (first quality band that came to my head):
e--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
G-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
D-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
E55556666888855556666888855668855668855668855668856
~Painkiller Tabs provided in part by 911tabs.com
My friend, this is only the "interlude".
Guitar: C

The vocals are very whiny and are displeasing to listen to. And although several females claim that the Jonas Brothers have good vocals, take a look at one of their "best" song's chorus

I'm slipping into the lava
And I'm trying to keep from going under
Baby You turn the temperature hotter
'Cause I'm burnin' up
Burnin' up For you baby
What kind of lyrics are that? Compare it to something that actually has meaning. Again this is the first thing that came to my head.

World We Know - Crash Parallel

And the mention of God, makes me strange
The battle of words and the wars we wage.
And the castles of time, we build up straight
Just to run out of room so we build sideways

And sometimes at the feel, my blood runs cold.

Please, take the time and compare the two. What do you see?
Vocals: D-

The bass is almost non-existent.
If it is there, it is just a repetition of a G/C combination. Example: GGGGCCCCGGGGCCCC and so on and so forth.
Bass: F

The drums are so simple that I could play them and all I've ever played is Rock Band. The Jonas Brothers' rhythm is just the basic high-hat+snare+bass drum rhythm that almost anyone can play.
Drums: C-

The attitude:
The Jonas Brothers know that they are popular and they will sell out wherever they go and yet they seem to charge as much as $100 per concert. I don't think I have to continue.
Attitude:D

Overall, I am displeased with the Jonas Brothers. In fact, I think that a more appropriate name would be the Va-Jonas Bros or the Jo Hoes.

Overall Score: C-/D+

Winter Break!

Oh man, what a crazy way to end the year!

The last day of school, and there's this huge snow storm! Woot!

That was fun! apart from the blistering cold and roaring winds, of course! Yaaay! :D

Well, I'd just like to wish everyone a super-fantastic and merry Christmas, as well as a ultra-monster-dragon-fighter-abulous New Years! Enjoy your winter break!

-Michael
goombainthepark@gmail.com

December 17, 2008

Kids Kitchen Sucks; Here's Why

If you're Canadian, then you may know of a school lunch service called Kids Kitchen. Some people like these guys, some people don't (hopefully most of them don't). Here's why I don't order anymore.

5. Cheap

They're so penny-pinching that they took away the old, better-quality bags and replaced them with thrift paper bags. Moreover, they now refuse to put coloured ink on their stickers that identify which student the bag is to go to. Most importantly though, they charge you for everything they can possibly charge you for whether it's cancelling an order or getting small things such as pickles and sour cream.

4. Small Portions

The food containers may seem OK but consider the fact that barely half of it comes filled. Plus, the snacks that they offer slowly shrink in size (there are 1.5 inch cookies).

3. Inadequate

Kids Kitchen isn't exactly anybody's idea of fine dining. Bagels with cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches aren't very appealing to me. You need energy for school and Kids Kitchen definitely doesn't provide this.

2. Food Sucks

Half of the stuff they serve is stale food from two weeks ago and I can bet you that employees rarely wash their hands. Why don't I describe to you, their pasta: The sauce is pretty much reddish water, sitting at the bottom; half of the stuff isn't even cooked; it's totally cold; the bit of cheese on top looks like it was made in Christopher Columbus's era.

1. Expensive

A few menu items and the costs:

Potato- $1.50
3 pc sushi- $5.50
Salisbury steak w/ potatoes- $5.00
Juice box- $1.50
Pickle slices- $0.50
0.25 bite brownie- $1.50

Jerry Zhang
toouseful.blogspot

December 15, 2008

Rock On Forever!

Music these days just isn't as good as it was before. Just listen to some of the lyrics to find out.
"Boys, boys, boys. I control them with my voice"*
"London, London bridge is falling down."**

These examples are just a few of many songs that are little by little, degrading our society. Take for example, Jess (fake name). After she got an iPod and put her favorite music on it, she turned from wanting to be a teacher/doctor to wanting to become a whore.

Also, these days there are no good rock songs. Radio stations such as Z103.5 and CHUM FM promise to give you variety and many genres, but listen to Z103.5 on any given day. I assure you, that the genre is hip-hop or Jonas Brothers. While I sit here on my ass complaining as to why there isn't enough rock, people (most of them girls) come up to me and ask "what about the Jonas Brothers?" I've got an answer. Jonas Brothers can't be considered rock mainly because the singing voice is too comical to be taken seriously. Plus, radio stations don't bother announcing new rock albums but they tell you about Kresha Turner's new album. No one really cares about Kresha Turner.

Furthermore, the rock songs that are popular are deemed "Flavor of the Month" meaning that people won't remember them in three-four months' time. Does anyone still remember Panic! At the Disco or Mariana's Trench anymore? Yesterday, I remembered listening to Head to Head on z103.5 (Head to Head is where to songs compete to see which one is better). The songs were Troublemaker by Weezer and Boys by Ashlee Simpson. Troublemaker was an adequate song whereas Ashlee just sings about the fact that she's slutty gets her boys fast. The winner: Ashlee. Why? Many female music fans were reluctant to vote for a male group.

Overall, music is becoming shittier than ever before and I guess that we will just have to tolerate this.
An Important Moment in Canadian History!!!


Dec. 15 2:30 pm

Stephen Harper finally realizes that the 2008 Federal Election was waste of money.

December 14, 2008

Reminder to vote!!!

As of now, there is only 23 more hours until the poll closes! So vote now!

I Think I'm Dying

Oh my god!!!!

My Chinese school had a party and people were supposed to perform and stuff. It was fun (in terms of Chinese school), people were playing flutes and stuff, but then some guy went up and started sing Jonas Brothers!!! And if that's not enough, he has this horrible voice! Arrrgghhh!!!
Dammit! I felt a part of my soul die that night. And what's worse, people were actually clapping for him!!!! Aarrrrrrgggghhhhh!!

Don't be surprised if I show up at school as a zombie tomorrow.

-Michael
goombainthepark@gmail.com

5 Reasons You Shouldn't Use an iPod

5. Apple

Come on. You've got to be kidding me. Don't buy things from the company that made the friggin' Mac and uses vicious marketing techniques to get you to buy. Plus, we all know that Steve Jobs is plotting to one day take over the world; don't support him.

4. Confusing

With all the licensing crap and complex features and 30-page instruction manuals, it'll be a few years before you can really use your iPod.

3. Addicting

Once you get a small iPod Shuffle, you'll want to move up to an iPod Nano, to an iPod Touch and soon to the iPhone. This is exactly what Apple is trying to get you to do. You won't be able to stop throwing money at iPods and soon every birthday, christmas and whatever else present will be iPod-related.

2. Expensive

$0.99 per song on iTunes is more than a real-life album. As well, because of the massive popularity of iPods, Apple makes them especially expensive. Then, there's the applications if you own an iPod Touch or iPhone.

1. There are better MP3 players

Some people may not appreciate the beauty of the Microsoft Zune or other MP3 players but it's true that there are more advanced ones.

Jerry Zhang
toouseful.blogspot.com