In Memory of Ted Rogers (1933-2008)

OK, I'm going to lay off of the petty jokes and remarks today go to a more serious side.
All of Canada has been shaken by the death of Ted Rogers, the former President and CEO of Rogers Communications. He was the one who brought this empire to the place where it is today.
He was described by friends as somebody who persevered and who never gave up and was always thinking of ways to improve himself and his company. His passing yesterday has been mourned by people all across this nation from the MLB stars from the Toronto Blue Jays to his employees at Rogers Communications.

Ted Rogers was somebody who I looked up to growing up because of his good-natured spirit, diligence and wisdom. I aspired to make myself as much like him as possible simply because of all the positive traits that he possessed.
And I express my condolences to the Rogers family and am sorry for their great loss.

Jerry
toouseful.blogspot.com

It's Plastic! That Means It's Waterproof!

Before I start off this post, I'd just like to say what a great blog this is. It's funny, misleading -- what more could you want? Keep up the good work!

Anyways, back to the main issue.


CROCS
The word strikes fear into people's heart when it is heard. Yes, starting in 2002, the brand of footwear (if you can call it that) is an ugly, unnatural, and, above all, hideous excuse for a... sandal?
Crocs are one of the worst ideas ever, and I'll tell you why you should never buy one (or, in this case, three, as they come in trios).


The Material
To start this off, let's look at the basics. This shoe is made of PLASTIC. Who in the right mind would want to wear plastic? Plastic is the stuff you use as garbage bags and CD cases, not something you wear, and yet, almost anywhere you look, you can find people who think it is fashionable. Whoever came up with the idea to make a shoe with plastic must have been really desperate, as it it flexible, loose-fitting, and can be cut. When was the last time you could cut up a shoe using scissors? Then again, Crocs aren't really shoes.

The Fashion
Crocs are hideous. It's true. It doesn't matter what colour they come in, what size, or how many stickers you put on it, it will always and forever be a horrible choice of fashion. The shape of the Croc is and eye sore as it is unnatural. Crocs usually come in bright, vibrant colours such as pink or neon green, which is worse than wearing a bright green shirt with purple polka dots. Much worse. When I asked someone why they wore Crocs, one of their responses was that they were waterproof. Waterproof? Are you kidding me? I don't know why, probably because your feet can't breathe through plastic, but for some reason, Crocs have holes them. Why?! So much for being waterproof. In fact, it is common that people will put stickers over these holes to cover them up and to try to make them look better, but all it does is make it look worse. But of course, if you are a changster, then Crocs are the ones for you. Otherwise, steer clear or else you'll deserve a, as we like to call it, mort de feu.

The Safety
Sure, none of our shoes are steel-toed, but that's because we don't wear them in construction sites. But if this is the case, why do people wear Crocs in malls, on the street, and at school? The material that Crocs are made out of is a flexible, bendable plastic. What a horrible idea! If you wanted to, you could easily cut them up with a normal pair of scissors! (You can try it at home and video tape yourself doing it if you have a spare pair (trio) of Crocs lying about and post a link in the comments!) But that's something else. I'm sure you've heard of stories and news reports about people wearing Crocs getting injured because of the properties of the Croc. I'm pretty sure everyone has heard about them. And yet, wherever you go you can see people wearing them. If you are one of these people, STOP WEARING THEM. Not only do they look bad and are socially unacceptable, but they are also of health concerns!

The End
So now you know the whole deal with Crocs, and how you should never buy or wear one (or three) (unless of course you are, or are pretending to be, a changster). In fact, you should spread the news of this (and this blog) to everyone you know. Tell them everything you've read about today and make sure you make fun of (secretly or in their face, your pick) anyone who wears Crocs, as it should be against the law to wear the foul sandals.

Thanks for taking some time to read about the Crocs!

-Michael
goombainthepark@gmail.com

No Hardcore games, and other reasons why I hate my DS

When I was a kid, I had no systems at all. So when I got $100 for my birthday the first thing I asked my mom for is a DS. Now since I was kid, I thought that it would be a load of fun every time I opened that DS up, but in return, I got UTTER BULLCRAP. The first game I got was Brain Age (it was the only way my mom would me buy one) and it was boring as crap. The only people that would like the game is

A: old people or

B: retards who want to feel smart

Then I got Pokemon, not because I thought it would be fun, but I was peer-pressured, and this was also, well, BULLCRAP. Not only is it stupid and gay (this is my opinion, I just enjoy hardcore games more than this) but as soon as you mention you have this game to someone who also has this game they start asking what Pokemon you have, what level they are, and some more crap. Some people even act superior to you if they're better at the game than you.
I bet you're thinking "why don't you just get new games?" Well... getting a game for the DS is like going through an assortment of hideous monkeys, and then choosing one to give you a blow job. I mean as soon as I see the DS game section I see I a licensed game of a cartoon show that only my retarded 8 year old cousin likes, a spin-off of a Japanese video game series I never even heard, and another Pokemon game (Godammit).I know there are some good games on the DS like N+ or GTA: Chinatown Wars, but still, if you like hardcore games, just get a PSP.

Rant on Supply Teachers.

By far, out of all the flaws in our education system, the supply teacher is the worst. These subs are usually completely oblivious to what we are currently learning and have poor English language skills with of course, some exceptions. But the chances of getting a "cool" substitute teacher are 1/27. There are two things that stand out in my stance against supply teachers and they are listed below.

1.Irrelevant Work.
Usually when supply teachers come, they give worksheets that we have already done or we watch a completely irrelevant film on a crappy-ass television. For instance, a few weeks ago, we were to be doing a test but instead the supply teacher spent 15 minutes looking for the tests, which just happened to be right in front of her. Some say that this is good and that we get to slack off but I beg to differ. We are spending our tax moneys paying complete crackpots like her.

2.Foreign Ethnicity
I probably will get my ass kicked for saying this but when supply teachers pronounce children as "chirun" and mispronounce half of our names, it is a major inconvenience. And not only that, when they are teaching, I just completely tune out on whatever they are saying. But the most ridiculous thing about this topic is that when they get angry, it is very hard to understand what they are telling you to do and the next thing you know, your teacher is pissed at you the next day.

A way to remedy this is by providing proper substitute teacher training, instead of rushing them out the door and making bad ones breed like rabbits. But like all bad things there are one or two good things and in this case, it is Mr. Hoffman and that other cool one whose name slips my mind.

I Hope This Pisses You Off as Much as it Does Me...

Quickly open a new tab (I hope you're using INTERNET EXPLORER 7, not any lower version or Mozilla, which is as low as you can go, or the unmentionable Google Chrome, which is lower than lowest) and go to Google. Run two searches: Miley Cyrus, then Barack Obama. Be careful to look at the right of the light blue bar below the search bar; it'll show you how many search results there are of a specific term.
Unless you're stupid, you will realize that Miley Cyrus has four friggin' times the number of listings as Barack Obama. Dude, do you know how messed up that is?
If you're a crazy adolescent girl who goes insane every time a Miley Cyrus song is played on the radio, then stop reading. But if you're normal and don't particularly like this celebrity, keep reading.
OK. Now, here we go on a rant. Do you know who Barack Obama is??? He will be the president of the United States in a month and he has inspired millions of Americans, black, white and yellow, young and old, male and female, to not only vote buy have hope that we may get out of these unpleasant times. He's the guy who actually cares about you instead of singing songs all day about how there's seven things that he hates about this other person. He's the guy who is willing to work to bring back America instead of declaring that all guys want to be flies on the wall.
Do you now see how the media and celebrities are ruining our children and our world. Nobody cares about how they're going to find a job or pay for food when they grow older; they just want to watch episodes of a cheesy show called Hannah Montana starring a spoiled girl who isn't even that hot.
In case you still haven't done what I told you to do at the beginning of this post, "Miley Cyrus" has 24,200,000 listings while "Barack Obama" has just over 6,000,000. That's ridiculous. I'll bet Google has been tampering with something because I don't think that many people would put up content on their websites about this person (learn more at google-sux.com).
Now, you tell me about how pissed off you are.

Jerry
toouseful.blogspot.com

The Worst Job Possible: If You Think Your Life Sucks, Think Again

OK. Maybe your boss is a little evil, you work in the smallest cubicle in the building and your co-workers are all retards but trust me, that's nothing compared to this: The worst job possible. It's (un)official. The worst job possible (that is real, not burrito tester or TV remote controller or something) has to be the person who says, "This program contains coarse language and mature themes. It may not be suitable for all viewers. Viewer discretion is advised," before your favorite show.
I wouldn't say that this is the worst paying job but c'mon, how much can you get doing this? But that's not even close to the worst of it.
Also, what do you think it would feel like having the director tell you that you did it wrong and you have to start over. You'd feel pretty damn dumb. Even worse, if you're fired from this job and you're searching for a new job and the interviewer asks you, "Where did you work before?" and you say, "I was that guy tells people not to watch shows before them." Good luck finding a new job like that.
Let's say you didn't get fired though; you're still getting paid to be a monotonous bore who nobody likes. Then, how the hell are you going to find a girlfriend/boyfriend? In the middle of a date, your habits kick in and you start talking like a robot; that's one of the surest ways to lose someone. I mean you could say you're part of a television show on your eHarmony profile but that's only getting you so far.
Now, let's say somehow, you do get a girl or a guy (mind you, that person would probably not care about you), what other relationships might you have? Who would want to be the friend of that kind of a friggin' person? I bet dogs would even run away. Plus, nobody cares about you; you're just the ignored and unaccepted little loser at school who sits in the corner of the yard all day.
So you think your job is bad? This one's probably a lot worse.

Jerry
toouseful.blogspot.com

The Complete Twilight Review Mistake

It appears that the first paragraph under the heading Movie review is slightly bigger. This somehow cannot be fixed. I apologize.

The Complete Twilight Review.

Personally, I have no idea as to why girls go over-the-top crazy about this film. In my opinion, the film, author, and series are overrated. The whole writing style drives most sane people crazy and the film had the most horrible acting since Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. I will be judging the "epic saga" on three scales (books, author, and movie) and bring an average.

The Books:
Twilight + series has been successful around the world with many females and male homosexuals. In my experience, there is not one redeeming factor that saves it from being the absolute garbage that it is. The series in itself is way too long. I, myself, don't want to read 500 pages about some masochistic teenager and her adventures. And to drive my point further, almost a quarter of the book is describing how hot Edward is.

As a reader and part-time literary analyzer, I like to relate to the characters. In Twilight, however, I find myself not wanting to relate to some overly sexy and shiny beast, his siblings, and an emo. In several cases, Edward admits to stalking Bella, by watching her in her sleep and following her on her dates. I find it hard to believe that girls everywhere want an "Edward". I have compiled a list of why Edward is undesirable.
1) He is always awake. How are you to cuddle up with a guy who's always awake. Awkward.
2)He is freezing. See the cuddling issue.
3)He cannot be seen in the sun for he sparkles. Have fun on a date when it is raining.
4)He admits to watching his "prey" in their sleep. Uh oh.

The "hidden message" in Twilight is that if you love the first guy you meet (and granted he has to be at least decent and shiny:D), barely make it out of high school, and then drop out of the academic world, marry him, get pregnant before you are twenty, you will have the greatest life ever. Several twi-hards say that this a "parent-friendly" book, but I don't think that most parents want their daughters (or gay sons) growing up and fulfilling what Twilight tells them to; I say most because some parents might want this to happen as they are seventeen and have read Twilight.

All in all, I prefer a book that is not driven by the fact that one character is hot.
Book Rating: 15%
The Movie:
In my opinion, making a movie that is based on a crap book is not going to fare well in review scores but there are some exceptions. Several reviewers gave the movie 10/10's and 100%'s for no good reason. The movie did fare well in box office, mainly because several girls go watch it 15 times, and as of 11/30/08, the movie made $119,688,000. But compared to say Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith ($850,000,000) and Titanic ($1,800,000,000) this is nothing. Granted, Twilight has only been out for a week but I am sure that it won't even come close to Titanic. But enough about the box office.

There is not much more to say about the movie as it is basically a summary of the book. But even Twilight fans disagree about the movie, they say it is not book-accurate. I say, screw that. In my opinion, the next three movies should be called as such,
1)Twilight: The Jacob Menace.
2)Twilight: The Return of the Victoria.
3)Twilight: The Volturi Strikes Back.

Movie Rating: 8%, same as how much I spent on it, $8

Author Review.
Coming strictly as a bystander, Stephenie Meyer seems a little bit over the top. She is a Morman (which personally, is a little weird) and her story is coming from her dream. This means that she thought about it once and did not think about it afterwards. She also seems to like her money alot, why else would she write 4 books and 1 unnecessary one? The unnecessary one being Twilight in Edward's opinion. She dissapoints me.

Author Rating: 23% Which is the same amount of people I personally know who are obsessed with her

Overall Score: 15.3%

Basis of how this is gonna work.

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Staff.