It's Plastic! That Means It's Waterproof!

Before I start off this post, I'd just like to say what a great blog this is. It's funny, misleading -- what more could you want? Keep up the good work!

Anyways, back to the main issue.


CROCS
The word strikes fear into people's heart when it is heard. Yes, starting in 2002, the brand of footwear (if you can call it that) is an ugly, unnatural, and, above all, hideous excuse for a... sandal?
Crocs are one of the worst ideas ever, and I'll tell you why you should never buy one (or, in this case, three, as they come in trios).


The Material
To start this off, let's look at the basics. This shoe is made of PLASTIC. Who in the right mind would want to wear plastic? Plastic is the stuff you use as garbage bags and CD cases, not something you wear, and yet, almost anywhere you look, you can find people who think it is fashionable. Whoever came up with the idea to make a shoe with plastic must have been really desperate, as it it flexible, loose-fitting, and can be cut. When was the last time you could cut up a shoe using scissors? Then again, Crocs aren't really shoes.

The Fashion
Crocs are hideous. It's true. It doesn't matter what colour they come in, what size, or how many stickers you put on it, it will always and forever be a horrible choice of fashion. The shape of the Croc is and eye sore as it is unnatural. Crocs usually come in bright, vibrant colours such as pink or neon green, which is worse than wearing a bright green shirt with purple polka dots. Much worse. When I asked someone why they wore Crocs, one of their responses was that they were waterproof. Waterproof? Are you kidding me? I don't know why, probably because your feet can't breathe through plastic, but for some reason, Crocs have holes them. Why?! So much for being waterproof. In fact, it is common that people will put stickers over these holes to cover them up and to try to make them look better, but all it does is make it look worse. But of course, if you are a changster, then Crocs are the ones for you. Otherwise, steer clear or else you'll deserve a, as we like to call it, mort de feu.

The Safety
Sure, none of our shoes are steel-toed, but that's because we don't wear them in construction sites. But if this is the case, why do people wear Crocs in malls, on the street, and at school? The material that Crocs are made out of is a flexible, bendable plastic. What a horrible idea! If you wanted to, you could easily cut them up with a normal pair of scissors! (You can try it at home and video tape yourself doing it if you have a spare pair (trio) of Crocs lying about and post a link in the comments!) But that's something else. I'm sure you've heard of stories and news reports about people wearing Crocs getting injured because of the properties of the Croc. I'm pretty sure everyone has heard about them. And yet, wherever you go you can see people wearing them. If you are one of these people, STOP WEARING THEM. Not only do they look bad and are socially unacceptable, but they are also of health concerns!

The End
So now you know the whole deal with Crocs, and how you should never buy or wear one (or three) (unless of course you are, or are pretending to be, a changster). In fact, you should spread the news of this (and this blog) to everyone you know. Tell them everything you've read about today and make sure you make fun of (secretly or in their face, your pick) anyone who wears Crocs, as it should be against the law to wear the foul sandals.

Thanks for taking some time to read about the Crocs!

-Michael
goombainthepark@gmail.com